I have an uncanny ability to feel other people’s emotions. Are you a sensitive person like me? If so, I invite you to read my story and how I turned my superpower of empathy, into a huge act of self-love.
I came into the world like this, sensitive to environments, people, noise; anything that comes in through the senses. As a child, I didn’t understand how to move through the world with this overload of input on my nervous system. I turned deeply inward and suffered severely with shyness. It didn’t seem like anyone else was experiencing what I was feeling, so I felt really anxious and quite alone.
As a teen, I learned to turn my vulnerability off as a coping mechanism. I became the stoic one, the strong one, and the rebellious one. I pushed out to block what was coming in. This was definitely a tool for surviving in the world. But this strong exterior blocked so much life force, that I experienced tremendous depression and a lack of creativity.
Then I discovered I could get love and attention from giving really strong empathy; and, I was good at it.
Even at age 15, I remember meeting a new friend at a dance class. Soon after, she divulged her very dark and “taboo” story about incest to me, and it was the first time she had ever spoken about it that freely and openly to anyone. So many people, even adults, felt the ease of my presence. So, I built my career around it.
As an acupuncturist, herbalist, and coach, I’ve helped countless people with a wide variety of ailments. But underneath the tactical and therapeutic modalities I’ve performed, it’s my deep seeing and feeling that was the real healing element for many of my patients. Sure, acupuncture and herbs relieve aches and pains, and adjust the body’s homeostatic balance. But having someone, even for a moment, be met deeply in their eyes and have their pain and experience felt and validated, even just for a few seconds, not only changes the body’s balance, but can connect deeply with the person’s heart and soul. That’s transformative on a much deeper level.
But do you see where my story is going? I’ve given a lot of empathy to others, but what about me?
The shit hit the fan when I went through a big tumultuous break up and needed an intense amount of focus on myself. I didn’t know how. That process led me to uncover something magical. I discovered the hidden key within this sensitivity that changed my whole life and my relationship to my superpower!
I gave empathy to myself.
How did I do this? It wasn’t easy! I had to forge new pathways in my brain. My tendency to pop out of my own experience and jump into other’s is a life long pattern. But new habits can be formed if you practice and focus.
Here’s a few of my favorite ways that helped me turn my superpower of empathy into a huge act of self-love.
First – I breathe. I put my hands on my heart and belly, and say to myself, “I am here. I am the one who is breathing and feeling.” I allow myself to surrender to the flow of my breath, as I stay grounded in my body. This is basic but powerful when the intention to feel yourself is really strong.
Second – I talk to my “little one”. She could be a version of myself at any young age, and I trust the image of my inner child that pops into my mind is exactly the part of me that needs my love. I imagine I’m sitting in a room, and she comes knocking at the door. I pretend she is the one feeling whatever I am presently feeling. Maybe she’s knocking and feeling ashamed, sad and alone, or angry and confused, or simply scared. I welcome her in and give her safety, love, understanding and nurturing. I hold her and talk to her. We hang out together. I am earning her trust.
These visualizations take just a few moments but have such potency. They help me recognize deeper layers of feelings, and to give myself profound motherly love. The love I’ve always wanted.
Lastly – I put something into practice when engaged intimately with others. I may simply remind myself when sitting with my beloved, or listening to patients at my clinic, “I am here experiencing this.” Those words seem to remind me of my separateness. We often hear about creating connection, but those of us who connect and lose our ground need to learn to be separate (while staying open). Whatever words remind you of your own presence, say those.
These are simple exercises but they have a superpower behind them! Please practice them with heart, infused with that deep longing to connect to yourself with love. Give yourself love, always and forever.
