WINTERING

In the formless, long nights, I withdraw into deep stillness.

A calm cocoon tenderly nourishes my sleep,
while a wild lawlessness, absent of rules, 
informs my waking.

You see, I’m wintering, resting, clearing the field.
I'm dreaming of seeds,
while giving time for old wounds to heal.

I’m listening for the whispers that come from my womb,
they’ll guide me in springtime,
to where I’ll best bloom.

Here, in my sanctuary, I lay serene and quiet,
giving myself rest as the phases of the moon
illuminate my nest.

Starlight twinkles and reflects my spirit into the night,
like a still pool mirror, void of rippling fright.

I am the fire that greets the suns and stars,
with a persistent but gentle flickering, from afar.

TITRATION

I’m grieving the death of my Mother. Not the one who birthed me, in her living being and body. But the one that lived in my dreams.

I treasured a lovely image of her, the one I designed in my sleep. It kept me enclosed and warm in womb-space, protected from the elements, but also, from breathing life itself.

I kept this lovely picture of my her hanging in the sacred rooms of my heart, but the reflection of her likeness was simply a cherished ideal. This myth was written from avoidance of the infinite well of my own, personal, maternal love.

This happened after life activated a systemic upgrade; while I traversed a totally and seemingly unrelated cryptographic maze of pain. Then, and only then, was I catapulted through a sacred threshold. A threshold into the mystery, and into love.

As I continually waken from the dream, I oscillate from falling back into the field of fables, and my growing capacity to accept reality; compassionately titrating both the deep sense of loss and the deeper-rooted sense of freedom, and possibilities.

I have the code now. It is based on original ancestral instructions imbedded in the cosmic spiral of the infinite. It’s a simple key that unlocks the mystery, and gives access to the soul.

The key is simple, yet the code must be remembered, and remembered, time and again. The remembering must be lived as real, through the limbs of the body, arms and legs, extending outward but stemming from firmly planted roots.

ERIC OF THE HAMLET PINE

From a grove of conifers,
a lion’s heart pranced bright!

Like an intricate, yet heavy
gold treasure chest,
filled with glimmering gems
in every color,
including sunshine.

He grew to be my one true king,
my eternal warrior.

The shield of his royal chariot
was etched with but one,
ravishing red rose,
and smelled like
a field of beauty.

Eric of the Hamlet Pine,
honorable, fierce, and oh, so divine!

Your wondrous whorls of sacred sap,
surround and embrace me
in a golden, spiral wrap;

infinitely widening,
into forever.

~ for my beloved Sahar Eric Jamie

DARKNESS SPEAKS

Remember me. 

Don’t run, sink in.

You were conceived 

in the absence of light,

in the nurturing warmth 

of your mother’s belly basket.

This temple didn't expel you, 

but held you, in life’s embrace.

It didn’t shine with starlight,

just a muted, un-ceremonial 

ray of the world’s motion, 

seeping in through her flesh.

Summon my grace and peace.

I won’t swallow you, 

I’ll free you. 

I won’t cloud your vision, 

I’ll clarify it.

I won’t cause you suffering, 

I’ll relieve you.

The long nights are calling out to you,

inviting a return to the sacred incubator,

a visit to the shadows.

Feel me, I am longing for your touch.

REVERENCE

Hearts intertwine, 

mirroring limbs;

two souls mingle as 

one amorphous cloud in 

the solstice moonlight, 

a silver silhouette 

defines the formless 

shape of love.

Melting together into 

beauty, depth, reverence 

and ecstatic love;

far beyond the visceral, 

so much so, that

even a remote 

awareness of death, 

is no cause for alarm, just

grief. 

ASHES OF LOSS

Grief burst into my life like dry tinder exploding into flames.

It had taken residence in my being at some unknown date, implanting a sense of discontent that couldn't quite be named.

Not until it combusted, and the ashes of loss flowed through my veins.

I awoke when the blood reached my heart. Then, and only then, did sobs of sorrow escape their containment.

Grief, my companion, my guru. You tenderly and fervently teach me to feel fully, to love wildly, to breathe, to love, and to live.

SHEKHINA

Our songs, they vibrate, they reverberate.

They dance like wavy rings of fire that reach the far edges of our atmosphere, combusting madness into pleasurable nourishment.

Let’s send our voices and call in the feminine spirit.

Our communal rhythm, it shakes lose the collective kinks and soothes the achy bones of the world.

It’s our devotion that roots the pulse that will warm our universal heart.

Sing loudly, sing softly, whisper or scream; just
please don’t be humble about it.

Sing and dance, send your voice, breathe, and shamelessly show your embodiment of silliness, sadness, or sorrow.

Put a pinch of your specific spice into the stew. Together, we make soul soup. Together, we yearn for freedom and love. Together we nurture freedom, we make love. We make it so.

ROOTED DEEP IN EMPATHY

Do you have the courage to feel what others feel? It may raise an inner experience you tend to avoid, deflect, or manipulate against. But in order for us to come together, to love each other, we need this very particular key that unites humanity as one.  Empathy.

The health of humanity depends on our ability to sit in empathy with the full range of human experience.

Are you ready to be fully alive? To experience all that life has to offer, as you open to the variety that all our brothers and sisters offer as an unlimited range of experience, and expansion.

Are you willing to not only feel the joys, but to also feel despair, rage, and grief?  What do you tend to avoid and whom do you push away or shut down to protect yourself from feeling what they reflect in your own tender heart?

Those barriers, they cut you off from your own humanity, creativity, freedom and purpose.

It's time we evolve. We need to take a quantum leap, together, now. It's time we cultivate empathy and our ability to sit with and love the full range of human experience. Let’s come alive together.

This differs from understanding and your mind’s ability to make sense of something. Understanding is a launch pad, but send that attention downward, like a rocket to your heart, and to your root.

We often stop at the mind and feel satisfied, reassured that we are done, we understand, we have completed the job. But the work has only just begun. Understanding is the outer gate, and empathy the inner doorway.

Empathy is love manifest, it draws from your soul, and sometimes it means you will feel pain, but you love anyway. You let your heart feel it, and you stay open, even though it hurts, because that’s the key to connection, to unity, to our brotherhood and sisterhood of humanity.

Life is an experience of fully feeling with warmth in our heart while rooted deep. This is true freedom.

A Morning Prayer

Great Mystery, Shekhina ~

I am grateful for my life, for my breath, and for the love I have in my life, thank you.

I feel scared, shocked, disappointed and disbelieving.

May I use this sense of darkness as fuel and inspiration for a deeper, wider, more expansive love than I have ever known before.

May I use what I perceive as bad as motivation in my purpose to contribute positively to life.

May I be a welcoming room for all that is, whether it's my preference or not. May I trust life, even in this.

❤️

SHAMELESSLY

The blooms, they seek us out.

They yearn to fulfill a very specific mission, 

to be seen in their gleeful explosion of color and to 

gift OUR senses and souls with delight, with life.

I bow to their offering, 

to their erupting ecstasy, fragrant fervor, 

and their perfectly poised petals.

They remind me... to open, fully ...and shamelessly.

GRACE

The moment when life's grace pulls you aside and gives you that little extra something.

A slight edge of clarity, and love towards yourself, and you take a step with more trust and courage to keep life fresh, to step out of habit, to confront what has been asleep, neglected, and avoided...

Then, in this awakening, comes a reverberation of life, and quite possibly a new rhythm, but definitely some sort of consequence...

Yet, when grace pulled you aside, she gave you something else, it was to help you face courageously whatever may be the change, the shift, or even the void that is created...

you know, the space made from something that was, and is no longer.

Suddenly and seemingly from nowhere (from grace?), you're ready to be with the fear you have about that empty space not being filled the way you once knew it to be filled.

You're ready to sit with yourself in this void and just tenderly hold yourself in loving embrace, even with emptiness.

But then grace comes to you once again, by way of little messengers illuminating that everything is there, is here, for YOU, already.

Then I breathe a sigh of relief, I breathe, there's nothing to DO. Nothing to heal or figure out. Just trust myself deeply and trust life implicitly to guide me. Ahhh.

There's actually no choices to make, no pushing or pulling. There's only the clear knowing that happens when you're there, when you're here, being with you and with life. I'm here in that space now. 💖✨

RANT

Anything but seen,

feels obscene,

like a vaccine

made from kerosene.

Empty invitation,

missing the foundation;

in my estimation,

not moving to this destination.

I flirt with yes,

but then feel stress.

I flirt with no,

feels more in the flow.

I step way back,

look at an almanac,

not for an angle of attack,

but for life’s feedback.

What’s alive in me,

often easy to agree,

cuz I’m so breezy and carefree,

but maybe today, I’m not your cup of tea.

I’m sad and scared,

but not unprepared.

Other times I dared,

no matter how I erred.

Let’s reflect,

not deflect;

otherwise neglect,

means we’re wrecked.

Not a weed of the wayside,

to simply be eyed,

let’s walk in stride,

and trust, what life provides.

The garden is rich,

a full range of pitch,

it can bewitch, and

help smooth the glitch.

Meet me 

on the bridge called 

connection,

one of mutual 

appreciation,

understanding and fierce 

compassion,

truly love's medicine 

injection.

I’m on this road,

detour means implode,

follow the sacred code,

it’s an exploratory abode.

This is quite a rant,

not the seed I wanted 

or intended to plant,

but today 

I'm out of sweet wine to decant,

just these words, 

that came out, 

in a rhyming chant.

DIG DEEP

Death is on my mind,

I can't help but to unwind.

The old falls away,

I can't avoid it to play.

Life asks me to dig deep,

to question what I keep.

Life asks me to trust,

and so I will, I must.

LATE BLOOMERS

The garden,

it surprised me,

after recent fall rains.

A beautiful bouquet, 

delightful and delicious, 

they smell sacred.

Late bloomers...

they're robust!

Courageous and rebellious ones,

sticking around

for the last dance.

They whisper in my ear...

come close, it's a slow song.

GRIT

I want you, 

to taste and feel 

my grit.

Can you handle it?

Will you walk with me, 

or even just sit?

Grit, 

shit,

we all have 

quite a bit.

Are you ashamed?

Reluctance only prolongs

and inflames.

Meet me at the table,

meet me in the field,

together, if we’re able,

we’ll remove the shields.

Let’s be true,

let’s be real,

a messy stew, 

of what we feel.

Living life,

living love,

a little strife,

a peaceful dove.

But tell me, do we have a deal?

THE WATER IS WILD

I sit with my yearning, 
with my breath.

I'm devouring 
the life that 
pours into and 
gushes beyond 
me.

After decades of drought,
a cleansing and creative cascade
fills the arroyo of my soul. 

The water is wild. 

So, save your bits of dry tinder, 
for when you need fire, 
they will come in handy.

In the meantime,
be cleansed of spring pollen 
and late summer dust.

Then, 
come to the window and watch.

The little birds, they 
feast on autumn worms.

I have a superpower, it’s empathy.

I have an uncanny ability to feel other people’s emotions. Are you a sensitive person like me? If so, I invite you to read my story and how I turned my superpower of empathy, into a huge act of self-love.

I came into the world like this, sensitive to environments, people, noise; anything that comes in through the senses. As a child, I didn’t understand how to move through the world with this overload of input on my nervous system. I turned deeply inward and suffered severely with shyness. It didn’t seem like anyone else was experiencing what I was feeling, so I felt really anxious and quite alone.

As a teen, I learned to turn my vulnerability off as a coping mechanism. I became the stoic one, the strong one, and the rebellious one. I pushed out to block what was coming in. This was definitely a tool for surviving in the world. But this strong exterior blocked so much life force, that I experienced tremendous depression and a lack of creativity.

Then I discovered I could get love and attention from giving really strong empathy; and, I was good at it.

Even at age 15, I remember meeting a new friend at a dance class. Soon after, she divulged her very dark and “taboo” story about incest to me, and it was the first time she had ever spoken about it that freely and openly to anyone. So many people, even adults, felt the ease of my presence. So, I built my career around it.

As an acupuncturist, herbalist, and coach, I’ve helped countless people with a wide variety of ailments. But underneath the tactical and therapeutic modalities I’ve performed, it’s my deep seeing and feeling that was the real healing element for many of my patients. Sure, acupuncture and herbs relieve aches and pains, and adjust the body’s homeostatic balance. But having someone, even for a moment, be met deeply in their eyes and have their pain and experience felt and validated, even just for a few seconds, not only changes the body’s balance, but can connect deeply with the person’s heart and soul. That’s transformative on a much deeper level.

But do you see where my story is going? I’ve given a lot of empathy to others, but what about me?

The shit hit the fan when I went through a big tumultuous break up and needed an intense amount of focus on myself. I didn’t know how. That process led me to uncover something magical. I discovered the hidden key within this sensitivity that changed my whole life and my relationship to my superpower!

I gave empathy to myself.

How did I do this? It wasn’t easy! I had to forge new pathways in my brain. My tendency to pop out of my own experience and jump into other’s is a life long pattern. But new habits can be formed if you practice and focus.

Here’s a few of my favorite ways that helped me turn my superpower of empathy into a huge act of self-love.

First – I breathe. I put my hands on my heart and belly, and say to myself, “I am here. I am the one who is breathing and feeling.” I allow myself to surrender to the flow of my breath, as I stay grounded in my body. This is basic but powerful when the intention to feel yourself is really strong.

Second – I talk to my “little one”. She could be a version of myself at any young age, and I trust the image of my inner child that pops into my mind is exactly the part of me that needs my love. I imagine I’m sitting in a room, and she comes knocking at the door. I pretend she is the one feeling whatever I am presently feeling. Maybe she’s knocking and feeling ashamed, sad and alone, or angry and confused, or simply scared. I welcome her in and give her safety, love, understanding and nurturing. I hold her and talk to her. We hang out together. I am earning her trust.

These visualizations take just a few moments but have such potency. They help me recognize deeper layers of feelings, and to give myself profound motherly love. The love I’ve always wanted.

Lastly – I put something into practice when engaged intimately with others. I may simply remind myself when sitting with my beloved, or listening to patients at my clinic, “I am here experiencing this.” Those words seem to remind me of my separateness. We often hear about creating connection, but those of us who connect and lose our ground need to learn to be separate (while staying open). Whatever words remind you of your own presence, say those.

These are simple exercises but they have a superpower behind them! Please practice them with heart, infused with that deep longing to connect to yourself with love. Give yourself love, always and forever.