A LETTER TO MY LITTLE ONE

I want to give my little one all the love she needs to feel whole, relaxed, safe, nurtured, confident, shameless, balanced, and even daring. She didn’t get what she needed, not from her parents, teachers, Rabbi, camp counselors, babysitters, big sis, Tia or Abuelita. There was no adult who recognized her particular genius and advocated for her in a way that would nurture her blossoming. There was only the day-to-day doldrums of learning of how to operate, in an often miserable world. She had to develop a management system in order to get her most basic needs met and some version of approval and love, rather than none.

I am that little one, grown up. I’m a 40 something woman, walking around with an outdated operating system. I know who I am, and I’ve examined my past. I’m not new on the path, it started early for me. But that little one inside never ceases to want and need more of love’s embrace from the parents she didn’t have.

My parents, like all parents to some degree or another, couldn’t give my little one what she so desperately needed. She was (we are) a very emotionally sensitive person! She is a little girl with unique and unusual interests, being raised by conservative Jewish parents who were brought up in other countries, who valued the mind and following the rules well so I could be “successful” in life, in their eyes. Education was everything, and following the heart didn’t have a place at the table.

So, I am learning to be my own parents now. And I’m still learning how to follow my heart. It’s never too late to provide the little one with what they need. The more I love and hold her, the less my life is based on unconscious needs. I want to give her everything, so “our” life can be about love, freedom, adventurous creativity, tender wholeness and brave gumption.

I can give my little one whatever she needs, and then together, hand in hand, mutual smiles and hearts connected, she and I can go on a wild ride with abandon. So here’s what I have to say to her, my little one.

Hey, yeah… you! Hi. I’m your future self sweetie (I’m giving her a long, strong and solid hug). You’re a beautiful and brilliant kid. But I can see that you’re scared. You’re constantly assessing your environment, trying to figure out what the rules are, and how to act so you will be accepted. I understand. I get it.

What if I told you that things could be different, that there’s something within you that has all the answers, and that you could relax in that knowingness, and finally feel free to be yourself without fear?

You’re a deeply feeling little one. You’re sensitive, and no one recognizes who you really are. No one is helping you understand your feelings, and no one gisve you the safe haven to feel them safely. 

I am your safe haven.

(I’m hugging her again and my little one’s eyes fill with hopeful tears and salty drops of release.)

I know the constant banter you fight with in your head. I know what you have to do to make it in your world. I know the anxiety you feel, the fear you have about your feelings, and the intensity they bring. I know the shame you feel about having these overwhelming feelings, and how hard you work to hide it all. I know. I feel you. I am you.

I know it seems like you’re the only one who has these deep feelings, but you’re not alone. I’m here with you. And you don’t have to hide with me, sweet dear one. (I’m hugging her and rocking her while I speak.) I love you. I see you and your feelings, and I’m going to hold you and rock you and love you, until your shame and fear melt away, until you are so convinced in your body and soul that you can be yourself, that you can allow what is within you to flow freely. You are safe with me.

You need to know something. There is nothing wrong with you.

(Now I’m looking her straight in the eyes with a ferocity and undeniable knowingness.)

All those vulnerable feelings you have, they’re normal. There is nothing to fix, nothing to mend. Nothing to change. You can be you. Your truest you. Your deepest you. You can trust the unfolding of your feelings. They will only lead you to exactly where you need to be. Take my hand, we’ll walk together, I’ll show you how it works.

You are a beautiful, deep, old soul, and your emotional world is valid, and is fuel for a fantastic life. These very feelings you are afraid of have potent creativity imbedded in their chaos, and can bring you more joy and motivation for life than anything else. They have the potential to take you to a magical place, and you are going to learn to ride their mysterious waves. Don’t worry, I’ll be there with you, we will surf them together.

And off we go, my little one and me, on the loving adventure that is my life.